You must push through. There’s no way around it.

As the youngest of six children I was always seen as the extra help, the nice twin, and dependable. Available to help baby sit, being in what seemed like a perfect relationship with nothing to complain about, in school for so long and always had a decent job. Reality is I was drowning in credit card debt, not happy in my relationship and I hated my job.

Then my Saturn return began and oh my did my life completely change. Quickly too and even I couldn’t keep up with the pace but sure as hell was in for the ride.

I quit my “safe and secure job with benefits” and began my career in the Las Vegas restaurant industry. Finally realized I couldn’t waste anymore time in my unhappy relationship, so I began to plan my exit plan. Life was moving fast as I felt I was stuck and seemed frozen for so long waiting for life to just magically change for me. Newsflash it never did. So I put aside my emotional brain and put on my logical brain permanently for about three years and began pushing through.

Not making a lot of money so I began looking for a second job, after bills and making the minimum payments on my credit cards started saving up to move out, and forced myself to begin having the hard conversations. Those of us who had to build the courage to leave the “nice guy” because he just isn’t what you really want out of a life partner and future husband can relate to the glass shattering moment when you realized “I need to end this sooner rather than later”. I hit that moment when we were in lunch with his mom for her bday. I know such an awkward moment but it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the younger readers here’s a small tip, the way a man treats and talks to his mother or about her; is how he will treat you for the entirety of the relationship. Unless you somehow crack the code and force him into therapy, which has a hard pass for me.

That relationship was the majority of my youth, six years to be exact. Did I love him? Yes absolutely, Did I hate him? No never. He just wasn’t my forever anymore. So instead of wasting more years trying to change him I faced reality and began to plan my exit plan. I know he sensed a lot of change within me which led to change in the relationship. He began trying to adjust and start putting me first all of a sudden but it was far too late, I was now cold and distant. Don’t men love that shit? Crazy.

After saving up for moving boxes, a storage unit for a few months, and working out with my sister to move into her basement I was ready for the difficult conversation. I felt a sense of urgency to do it soon and that’s because I later realized he planned to propose just a week later. Isn’t crazy how men refuse to change permanently, yet when they sense you becoming distant they now want to trap you all of a sudden as if that’s going to change everything, like magic? Wrong!

So I woke him up that morning, a few hours before he started work, while I had my trunk filled with moving boxes ready to go. I told him “I couldn’t be in this relationship anymore” he asked if it was someone else I said “no”, then asked when I was going to move out and I said “I’m going to start packing today”. Two side notes ladies.

1. Isn’t insane how some men would prefer to get cheated on rather than dumped for their own wrong doing? I know this because I’ve asked and men have willingly mentioned this to me when talking about relationships. Their ego’s can’t handle the consequences of their own bullshit behavior.
2. Most importantly, ALWAYS be prepared and have a plan. Don’t ever tell him about that plan. Like I said he was a “nice guy” and he immediately asked when I was moving out. Sadly for him I already had that taken care of. Because I planned ahead for any possible outcome. He was not abusive but could get violent in his tone of voice which frightened me and I was scared that conversation could lead to abuse. So my sister and brother in law knew exactly when I was having that conversation just in case anything happened.

Afterwards I stepped outside to cry it out, went to go buy more moving totes, bought a strong coffee to fuel my long day ahead of packing and once he left for work the physical labor began. A few trips to my storage unit, dropping off my dogs at my sister’s house, then packed my last few items all before he got off work. Thank goodness for location tracking and indoor cameras as I was present but distant.

I’d like to end here for now with a more positive note. For those starting your first Saturn Return, whatever your intuition and inner self is screaming at you, must change, please do not resist it. It is coming through loudly because it cannot stay and you must listen because it will come back around. On a personal note, my twin sister was having issues and similar thoughts regarding her relationship the same time I was. As I’m writing this she is now moving out this week from her same longtime boyfriend. Four years later the change she was too scared to make is now happening.

As the one who went through it, followed my intuition, and made the move. Life gets so fucking incredible! I can’t even explain it. So much change but positive outcomes. So please don’t be afraid and make the damn move. You really have no idea how great it can actually get.

– Love KD