Most people, especially women, in particular young ladies between mid teens and twenty-five, do not realize the importance of the company you keep. Our teens are rough enough but socially we just want to be accepted, fit in, be in a clique and belong. After high school that summer in particular becomes such a catalyst in young adulthood. All of a sudden you move away, or get a job, most times both. Begin making big girl decisions, realize you really can’t fuck around and find out as your scholarship or financial aid depends on your good behavior. Tardiness or a bad attitude will get you fired. Then you also start seeing your friends less, begin witnessing how you all handle stress, setbacks, and of course more boy troubles.

Then the big 21st birthday’s begin. High school days are long gone, a few may start graduating college, and you’re on full work mode. Like many, you may have become estranged with a few of your high school friends, co-workers are now your friends, and making friends as an adult is getting weird. But let me guess if we’re being honest here, with your high school friends- there may been some jealousy involved? Perhaps she got into the college you wanted, she was able to move away or study abroad for a semester, got a great paying job, if she’s lucky had both great parents and a scholarship to fully focus on school and didn’t have to work during college. Yes, jealousy is a normal human emotion and you can actually use it to motivate you if you can learn how to identify, define it and navigate it.

Just one more small crucial step that usually happens in your early twenties which is boy attention and what I call “boy to life focus ratio” (did I just make this up, yeah maybe). I call it that because some girls make the new guy in their life their entire identity and their world revolves around them now- the “my life is my boyfriend” pick me type. The more confident girl who adds a boy into her life as she sees fit and if it doesn’t work out- “oh boy, life goes on” type of attitude. Frat parties, hook ups left and right, then you start going to bars and clubs and whether you want to admit it or not that creates competition. Truly from the bottom of my heart not from experience, but from witnessing it with my own two eyes working in the front of house, inside those settings. It gets rowdy and realizing that if you do not identify your jealousy like mentioned above, it can make you do really stupid things. Like fighting for a man, with your friend, in the middle of a lounge!

All right now time for the sticky part of this section. In your early twenties which friends did you lose, or have become distant with and why? Examples: Did your friends different social economic status cause some jealousy whether you want to admit it or not? Your friend being able to travel because she still lives with her parents or has roommates? Or perhaps she gets more male attention when you all go out. Write it down if it helps and narrow it down how it all made you feel. The realization of the emotion or circumstance, how you processed it, possible fall out and the aftermath.

I’ll give two personal examples: when she was in high school my older sister Leena had a best friend she met in 7th grade, got a long very well and seemed to enjoy each others company but our different up bringing’s seemed to come in between. We were raised by a single mother who wasn’t the most emotional or loving mother. Her friend came from a happily married and dual income household and only had one sister, again we were a total of six children with three at home during that moment. Her friend was able to attend all the field trips, went on family vacations, had all the newest gadgets, a trendy closet and of course a very loving and understanding mother. All of that caused a lot of jealousy from my sister, sadly.

After high school, my twin sister moved to San Diego with family and I stayed since I had college that Fall and was starting a Summer job soon. I had just made a new friend shortly before graduating, we’ll call her Maria since I literally can’t remember her name. Maria was a Junior, was nice and sweet but of course there’s always a “but”. She knew my twin and I were very close and I was sad she was moving away. Maria comforted me, we would hang out a few times a week, but then I realized she was trying to morph into me and that made me very uncomfortable. Dress similar, talk like, and began copying my mannerisms. Then after a walk in the park she literally said “don’t worry I’m your new twin” laughing. I found none of it funny, dropped her off, and never saw her again. I was weirded out and found it uncomfortable that someone could try to morph into someone else or try to replace a LIVING person.

At my TikTok old age of thirty-one I have come to narrow down friendships into two categories. You’ve guessed it, vampires or fairies. You are either healed or you’re not. A vampire will suck the life out of you with their drama, high maintenance needs, quiet but usually noticeable envy, or lack of enthusiasm to see you winning. Once you notice the writing on the wall I highly recommend you let that friendship go. If you are wise to see yourself as maybe being the vampire, I applaud your introspection. Self reflect, apologize if need be, and heal yourself.

Before I move to fairies, I want to quickly touch on jealousy. As mentioned earlier it is a fantastic way to fuel your desires and goals. I know I’m far fetching here and it’ll be hard to believe but I don’t remember ever feeling jealousy, it’s a rare emotion for me if I’ve ever felt it at all. I’ve always surrounded myself with aspirational people, better fit bodies, careers, relationships because I want to be surrounded by better energy and use that as motivation to improve myself and circumstances. Not see myself as a victim, feel sorry for myself, and cage myself into a category I have made for myself, that’s pathetic.

Now, fairies!!! The absolute best people to have with you and on your corner. Will be there for you, always give you encouragement, be your cheerleader, and just good energy you want near you. But you know she was her boundaries, standards for herself and for those around her. Think of the Sleeping Beauty fairies, she’ll probably tap your pretty little head with her fairy wand when she notices something is up. And if anything messes with her energy or makes her feel uneasy, she will simply fly away.

Fairies have done the work and are healed. We’re rare yes, but we’re out there. Please be hard to find, do it for yourself. I guarantee that fairy in your life or at work is very meticulous with who she surrounds herself with. She has learned the consequences of having a spoiled apple in her orbit. So I say again, please choose the company you keep wisely. They will fuel you or drain you. They’re either vampires or fairies, just like you.