Your presence will delight one crowd and disturb the other. But never stop being yourself.

I don’t mean to brag but being a twin definitely had its upsides growing up, we were pretty popular in school. Always had friends, were invited to parties, and people were genuinely nice. Especially for being so petite and small, males especially were always very over protective and charismatic. In high school my twin and I did have similar friends but for the most part hung out in different crowds. I guess you can say she was more in the “in” crowd although I still had friends in there too but I hung out mainly with the emo/alternative type. I just loved that music and they all were very authentic, I remembered, nice to everyone but no need to be liked.

In my senior year of high school I went through a small glow up. This particular outfit in HBO’s movie Gia was actually the inspiration and became more my style. I swapped my DC’s for combat boots,  Hollister and Aeropostale t shirts for more fitted plain button ups, had long wavy hair but still kept my makeup at a minimum.  At this point also had more confidence and wasn’t trying to hide as much anymore, was beginning to be scene and boy did others notice, in particular those who turned out to be fake friends. 

I used to hang out with a a small group of girls during lunch; all more skater vibes, chubby, glasses and quirky vibes. We got along just great, a few of them were juniors. Once they too started noticing my glow up they turned cold, I was intentionally being left out of weekend hangouts, they would get quiet if I approached them. Clear to say I got the message, which led to me having lunch in the library, as my twin sister and I had different lunch schedules. Lucky enough I did have other friends so eventually I started hanging out with them in lunch. I would walk by the others, catch them staring, not say a word but funny enough notice them trying to copy my new style.

As a young adult starting to get into more mature jobs I became more introverted, and after a year at a job or checking out everyone’s vibes I would start showing my “true colors” you can say. Which people eventually took as “she’s changed”, let me emphasize this now, some people are truly just one dimensional, no depth, or any more character beneath the surface. What you see is what you get and that’s it. Which leads me to a final example of when you shine “too bright” for the comfort of others.

At twenty-three, I started a new job at an educational facility as an event representative. Within a year I got promoted to lead, to those that had been there long before I started it came to a surprise and you can tell it really bothered them, even those in other departments. I would like to point out I was still in college and was wrapping up my last semester, that job was not permanent in my eyes. But they all knew I had other goals in mind, I was a favorite within the upper management and C suite, they knew my drive and I wanted more in life.

However, in the eyes of the worker bees; I was in college, just got promoted with a nice raise, pretty and at the time in a happy relationship. I was doing good, very happy at the time, and with college coming to an end soon, I was glowing. And then began the “she’s changed” comments and just like in high school: the distancing, silence when I came around, and not getting invited to after work outings began. Just like in high school I noticed the patterns and didn’t try to change it or kill them with kindness, accepted it and moved on. Luckily still had a few cool people I got along with and kept it moving, unbothered.

I could give many other examples but I give these as the main two, to lead the message with. As mentioned in the heading “Your presence will delight one crowd and disturb the other. But never stop being yourself.” We as humans are meant to grow and expand, how can you stay the same your entire life? Yes I have known people that simply do but maybe it’s the Sagittarius in me, I need to evolve and learn, I can’t imagine being one way forever. Gut wrenching.

So damn it change your style, learn that new language, go for that major people think is not possible and prove them wrong. Watch them eat their words. If you sense any form of energy shift and jealousy being sent your way and of course those inevitable passive aggressive comments, do yourself a favor and release that dead weight. If it’s tough in the beginning trust me you don’t want that kind of energy when you’re going through it. It’ll fuel them to watch you second guess yourself. Be that arrogant asshole the TikToker’s hate, accept your are better than them because newsflash they too have accepted that and move on.

Like I said I was a favorite in that job among the upper management and C-suite because I was ambitious, hard working, and gritty. I had my crowd and actually became friends with many of them after I left that job. You will find your crowd you just have to show up authentically as who you are. The bold, beautiful, confident and unapologetic you and whoever likes it great and whoever has a problem with it tough shit. Deep down they have a problem with themselves as they see in you, what they wish they embodied, but are too scared to do anything about it.

Will you be alone at times? Yes. Just like I was alone in the library for a few weeks in my senior year. But instead used that time to study on my SAT’s and driving permit test and passed all of them on the first try. Alone a second time in my mid twenties and got deep into fixing my finances, went back to therapy, got deep into my spiritual healing journey and came out a completely different person. Finally, alone at thirty and have drafted about three business ideas, started two blogs, and finally getting back deep into my creative passions.

It’s funny it has been four years since I’ve left that job and my life has completely shifted. All for the better of course, I drive by that building from time to time and all the same people are parked there and they constantly show up on my LinkedIn as recommended people to network with. All that comes to mind is “been there done that” NEXT! So blaze your own trail, use your alone time to grow so when you see your naysayers and negative Nancy’s you have no other option than to reintroduce yourself.

-Love, KD