In order to understand this chaotic, tough love, sibling rivalry dynamic, sprinkled with a little resentment if we’re being honest we must bring it to the beginning and do a former introduction. And since this is my private blog, I just really want to vent on here as well.

Grace-
The oldest- everyone’s mom, emotional drunk, and the one who can’t get over the past. I know I sound heartless and cold but there comes a time in life when you must stop blaming your parents for your adulthood and start taking some form of accountability. We all have trauma in some shape or form but it is up to us to fix it, evolve, grow and break those chains to the past, and lay a new foundation for your own family. Even in adulthood when faced with major changes I still don’t see much eagerness to grow, rather party and forget about her problems. If she were childfree, I would understand but parents responsible for the molding and upbringing of another human being cannot live like this, tough shit but that’s the truth.
As mentioned in my blog post “Thank You Mom” I touch on how she helped “raise us” but that was the other three. My twin and I, being the youngest were pretty much on our own. She was sent to rehab in Mexico at a young age and moved out by the time she was seventeen. Went on to have three children, the eldest who is now twenty-two chooses not to have a relationship with her. For HER actions, which she refuses to change but most importantly acknowledge. Now at forty-two she’s living her best single life, out partying, constantly drinking, and her two kids at home, youngest entering senior year this Summer have unfortunately gotten sick of her shit too.
I know what you’re thinking “why don’t you all help?”. Oh we’ve tried, some of us with money, time, my self with resources. Have pushed her to stick through therapy, have sent her information for growth, my personal favorite YouTube videos etc. But like those old sayings “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” and “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” We all have our own path to lead.

Carlos-
The only male with five sisters, just like a very famous family the dynamic is very similar. I feel like psychologist should study this particular male upbringing because I find it phenomenal. Mine however was raised in such a strange dynamic which definitely stunted his developmental growth. He was constantly beat by our mom, I feel like she took out her hatred for all men in her life on him. He and Beatriz then went to live with their dad for several years which is kind of the reason why we’re not very close. He was extra loved in that household by being his father’s Jr. But they also experienced emotional abuse by their step mom, which by their early teens they moved back in with mom and boy did they let loose after a strict Christian up bringing.
Beatriz and Carlos got into drugs, grades started declining, and they began hanging out with the wrong crew. When I was in 6th grade he lived with us for a few months, during a small argument he told me something I will never forget, “at least I have a dad”. Which even then at a young age I already knew what he was, to which I replied “yet you’re still a loser”. He didn’t live with us long.
I don’t really remember much when it came to him after high school but he didn’t do much in adulthood, joined the Army at thirty-seven after realizing his “loser” mentality truly came from within. Raised to feel superior and like a real “macho” but not grasping that real men work, build, and excel, characteristics I feel he still doesn’t understand.
An identity that follows him yet he refuses to change. He has two children out of wet lock, with two different women, neither children live with him because he can’t afford them. His narcissistic, abusive, egotistical personality keeps women away from him. I may not have a father but at least I don’t have someone like you as my father, that is far more destructive.

Beatriz-
Since her and Carlos grew up with their father in LA most of my early childhood, when they moved in with us it seemed like living with strangers, I knew were siblings yet didn’t look alike. Like I mentioned earlier once they moved to San Diego things changed, quickly too. The shy, good kid, Christian upbringing vanished almost immediately.
Not having been there for them in earlier years mom compensated when they moved in by giving them freedom and whatever they wanted, sometimes working three jobs at a time she wasn’t there much to begin with. Late nights with friends, a new wardrobe- ankle length skirts were swapped for booty shirts and Dickies cholo outfits, and then began drugs. Within a year she became a teen mom at 15 and dropped out of school.
This truly is the only safe space for me to speak about my family drama, but it does seem important to mention Beatriz’s baby daddy was first dating Grace. She came in and swept him from underneath out of jealousy. Something that always caused friction and was never fully put to rest. Beatriz had a lot of skeletons in her closet and if you remember from my first blog post I mention a “potential passing of a sibling”. She is who I am referring to, someone whose inner conflict caused her to spiral and completely distance herself towards the end. The only “proof” we have thus far is the physic intuition mom and I both felt that morning. But that part comes so much later in the story.

Leena-
My big sissy, older just by two years. She’s definitely who we were closest to out of the older bunch. We all grew up together: her, my twin, and myself. But once she entered her teen years she pushed us away and just wanted to fit in a crowd, any crowd. Was always changing her style depending on who her new friends were. No set identity, which of course as a teenager is normal but this later carried into her early relationships. Scene, skater girl, preppy, then Mexican cowgirl which back then we used the term “chunti”.
Characteristics I remember is how angry she always was. Her and mom would get in constant arguments, which I understood later realizing mom’s character but this caused her to work two jobs after high school while attending beauty school and we barely saw her.
She had a boyfriend when she was a junior and we were freshmen, they dated for several years. He was her first love, he pushed her to be more independent, get a job and prioritize her beauty school dreams. This bitch ended up cheating on her and we will always remember how that broke her apart.
About a year later met the man whom she married and had two kids with. But sadly the cycle repeated itself. First changed into a total mini-him, he too was very manipulative with heavy narcissistic qualities and cheated on her too. But a level of infidelity that ruined her for a long time to come.
Of course I was there for her since it happened a few months after my major break up. Being the “fixer” that I am, I wanted to be there for her, her children and I was for a couple years that followed. But here’s the thing with people I find that there’s only two types- those that really want to be fixed and those that are perfectly fine with being the victims. Sadly I came to realize where she stood when all she wanted to do was complain and not act on it to change it.
Early 2024 I started by individually telling each of my sisters I was no longer the listening ear, only to be contacted for emergencies and quick updates. Bitchy? Yes but I was drained af! But this sister in particular really started her healing journey and my boundary helped both of us, so that’s a win.
My particular issue with this sister is she’s a fair weather sister, a jealous one at that and raising little brats, not in the best way. Only comes around when she needs us, but never wants to be scene with us it seems. Which hurt I’ll be honest. But have come to realize this about her, accept it, and currently have put distance between us, when the time comes I will surely let her know how I feel and will update you all about it.
Her need to be the most beautiful, even if that meant putting her sisters down to make herself feel better. Unfortunately, in Mexican beauty standards lighter skin was always seen as more “desirable”, a bull shit standard I genuinely never fell into, I’ve always admired my brown skin and honestly the thing that makes me feel most confident. But I mention this because that was always a feature she used to make herself feel better. The look on her face when Beatriz said “Katy is the most beautiful and then of course Katia” on the family table, after boasting about herself as the prettiest sister, I believe put a vendetta on our backs for the years that followed.
Finally, raising her children. As parents we typically want to overcorrect how we were raised, end up being very easy on the children you’re raising, and giving them what you didn’t get. Of course from what I’ve witnessed- I am childfree after all. But some of you all are just taking it to another level. No manners, zero respect towards elders, disrespectful bratty children on the loose and what’s more sad is you all expect the rest of us to be okay with that. Nope. I refuse it whether that’s my niece/nephew or not, I will excuse myself.

Katy-
Since this post is pretty long I will keep the two of us short and sweet. I have written a post solely dedicated to my twin sister, so you can read that here. https://katiadahlia.com/otherhalf/
What I want to touch here is the deep rooted sibling rivalry, the one that she has carried far too long into adulthood. Something I feel now at thirty-one has finally come to a conclusion on her part. I’ve always known we were meant to walk on different paths. But for so long I sensed a deep resentment from her, I could not comprehend why. I found my passion at an early age, although yes I did do a detour for a few years but have found my way back. She never really found hers and just like Leena she too transformed into a mini version of her partner. She’s only had one partner who is much older and found her at a young enough age to mold into who he wanted, but never put a ring on it.
For many years she would bring up high school and our early twenties. She would dress up and wake up early to get all dolled up for school, which made her the “prettier one”. I heard the whispers and comparisons, trust me. But I was focused on school and my grades so it never got to me in a way that caused me to have anger towards her. All final tests and exams I passed with flying colors. She on the other hand passed just in time to actually graduate high school. I was seated on the second row of graduation while she was on the last. She never mentioned that of course but she’d bring up the comparisons even at twenty-nine years old.
Finally, at thirty-one I think she has finally realized I am too deep in my own lane, unbothered by outside noise to even pay attention to the side eye and backhanded remarks she’s made at my expense. I genuinely want her to win in life like I do with all my siblings. True confidence can’t the shaken nor stirred.

Katia-
ME!!!!! The unbothered, stable, role model who is just living her life. No need to post or talk about it; who she’s with, what she’s doing, and gives them just enough. The one that keeps them wondering “how she does it?” and literally lets them know it takes hard work and dedication to break the trauma. Yet they refuse to follow suit because how dare the “baby sister” put herself first. So instead they try to cut me down but yet I stand tall, all they can do is compete where they don’t compare and fall short.
They tell me something but tell their children another thing that gets circulated down to me because bless the innocence of a child. All they can do is post their “lonely woman” posts on their Instagram stories but then try to emulate what I’m already living.

Moral of the story ladies and gentleman, live your own life and stay in your own lane. You are not meant for everybody and that includes family too.