As you get older the phrase “oh to be young, dumb, and in love” gets a new set of eyes. Reality sets in and you really don’t see the Hollywood version of love. Health, career, family expectations, religion may get in the way. In other circumstances infidelity, abuse, and something I’ve realized a lot in modern dating, a mans ego; which was my case. Coming to the realization that the man you’re with secretly despises your ambition or success is truly another heart break in itself. The person who you talk about a future with, someone you want to build a legacy with and even share a name with, your biggest hater?

I was twenty in Vegas had just landed my first “big girl job” at a Hotel and Casino as a room reservations sales agent. I was working a lot and going to school as well, since I wasn’t old enough to truly enjoy the Vegas night life I was always learning or spent up to six days at the gym. Self improvement and growth were my main focus, had never even been on a real date yet, meaning just myself and a young man alone just the two of us. Then enter a slim, blue eyed, auburn red head with a charisma like no other that worked in a different department. I rarely saw the guy so I figured a quiet work fling couldn’t hurt, he was really cute after all.

Started very slow, one can say I was “playing hard to get” but not at all, I was just always busy. Things haven’t really changed much as I’m still that motivated ambitious woman now just more wiser. He tried to get his colleagues to speak to me on his behalf but I declined as I prefer to speak to the source himself, energy is very loud. After a couple months we finally ran into each other and started talking. Things were so different then, prior to dating apps, social media presence not really being a factor, before the rise of Podcasts and YouTuber’s not influencing your dating life and less games being played. Gosh such beautiful times!

So we went on our first date, two real honest people, connecting and analyzing the possibility of a relationship with the person in front of us. No rosters, no games, no lies, nor trying to force a connection. Just a Sag and Gemini letting things unfold naturally who were both looking for a relationship, yes these two zodiac signs are capable of this regardless of all the negative “reviews” we get lol. And we clicked, went on a few dates before making things official, because yes going on dates is not the same thing as being boyfriend and girlfriend, he must make it official in order to take you off the market. If he won’t claim you neither should you, I don’t know how we’ve lost that.

Time to pivot now, but even in the courting stage he knew I was ambitious, a goal getter, and had big plans for my future. Something he loved and admired, but don’t they always at first… Being first generation Mexican and being raised by a single mom I always felt the pressure to create something for myself. He knew my time was valuable as I would go to school four to five days a week, work full time, gym sessions were always a must, homework and family duties. Even on our first date he immediately started asking for my schedule and trying to book me for the following date, very crucial in dating he must show eagerness to want to see you again.

We fell in love, moved in to an apartment, truly enjoyed living together and being with one another. Neither of us had worry of infidelity, we were two honest young adults trying to build a life for ourselves and as a team. I grew so much, as our strengths and weaknesses really balanced each other out, we really loved each other and saw a future together. Being a Gemini and always admiring their wonderful skills at communication he really did improve my communication skills in general and my future husband will have him to thank, he would check in on us yearly to see were he could improve and what he could do better within himself and in our relationship. Something I will always value and bring with me always.

I was unfortunate to graduate college in the middle of Covid so hiring a company Videographer/Photographer wasn’t on any companies top priority list but even then I was still getting a slow start in my career. Landing side gigs that paid well and at the organization I was working at the time, that didn’t lay off people due to Covid I was starting to assist in their marketing department. I was ecstatic and felt so blessed to start my path to my career, even if it was slow progress.

He on the other hand was “let go” from the company we met at and had to file for unemployment. Took a big pay cut on his end, fell into short-term depression, and he began to change. Landing a new job during that kind of world wide crisis seemed impossible, but after a couple months he landed a new one in a completely different field. I was supportive of course and luckily still getting by with both of our incomes combined, reassured him it will all be okay and we’d get through this as a team. But isn’t that truly the worse you can do to a man during a low point? Eventually, he left that job as he “only took it because it was the only one I had an offer from”. Coming from a large family myself, we’re pretty well connected and eventually my brother in law got him into a new restaurant he was a part of. He moved up pretty quickly and started moving to new restaurants at a rapid pace. Things were finally looking up, slowly but surely.

I had finally paid off some credit card debt, paid off my first car, started to enjoy the fruits of my labour and began to treat myself. Doing some shopping as I was now entering my mid twenties and felt more mature and wanted the exterior to match the interior. Enjoying more outings with friends and my sisters; concerts, fine dining, and girl days. All coming out of my own pocket of course, he didn’t see the value in certain things I enjoyed and I was perfectly okay with that. On the other hand you can tell it really bothered him and so the cutting me down began.

A weak man will always want you to do good but never better than him, enjoy the “fine” things in life at his expense, and god forbid you outgrow them. That’s when the ego can’t handle it anymore and the cutting you down a peg begins, their true colors exposed and you’re just left feeling confused. You were there for them at their lowest, being the best cheerleader you can be, and a support system you can only hope you would get in return.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, truly the best advice I can give you now is to quietly remove yourself. Once the writing is on the wall and you come into acceptance, it’s time to move on as things can only escalate and worsen. Yes, theirs love and you’ve invested years but to fix a mans ego and psyche that’s work only he can chose to acknowledge and want to change. You can’t force a man to change he must be willing to and lets be honest with ourselves their really aren’t many willing to do that kind of work.

Let him go, if he comes back for clarity give it to him harshly and truthfully. Detach, grief, allow them to go find lesS else where, And find someone wiLling to settle for their bread crumbs, games, and bare minimum effort. You deserve so much better even if it means waiting a little longer. Please don’t ever lose yourself in that kind of dynamic.

-Love KD